BREAST CANCER

Coping Skills

A diagnosis of breast cancer can be overwhelming. Suddenly you're confronted with the fear and uncertainty of a life-threatening illness. Furthermore, it's an illness you may associate with a loss of femininity or sexuality. In addition, you're likely to be as concerned about others as you are about yourself. How will you tell your children? Will your partner be able to cope? Who will do your job if you can't? You also may know others who have had the disease — those who survived and perhaps those who didn't. This may influence how you feel about your own breast cancer.

Taking control

It may take some time to sort through all your emotions. But you can still feel more in charge of your life. One of the best ways to regain control is to educate yourself about breast cancer and its treatment. You will have many decisions to make in the weeks and months ahead. The more you know, the better prepared you'll be to make the best choices.

In addition to talking to your medical team — your surgeon, medical oncologist (a specialist in chemotherapy and hormone therapy) and radiation oncologist (a specialist who administers radiation therapy) — you may also want to talk to a counselor or medical social worker. Or you may find it helpful and encouraging to talk to other women with breast cancer.

There are also excellent books on breast cancer and many reputable resources on the Internet. Be sure to look for the most current information, however. Breast cancer treatments are changing rapidly, and information quickly becomes dated. It's important not to rely on just one source. There are many different approaches to breast cancer treatment.

Telling others

Unfortunately, treatment decisions aren't the only decisions you'll face. Every day may present new challenges. One of the first will likely be how and when to tell those closest to you. If you have children, telling them — no matter what their ages — can be difficult. Yet it's best to be as honest as you can. You don't have to give all the details. In fact, how much and what you say will depend on each child's age and ability to understand. But trying to hide your illness isn't a good idea. Instead, tell your children you're doing everything possible to get well.

The decision to tell friends and co-workers isn't an easy one. Especially in the beginning, you may not want anyone outside your family to know. But over time, you may find it helpful to confide in a few close friends or co-workers. Still, how much and who to tell is up to you.

Keep in mind that people may not always react as you expect. Some may have many of the same feelings you do — anger, fear, grief. Others may be incredibly supportive. And some may not say much at all or even avoid you. That's not because they don't care, but because they may not know what to say. Let them know that there are no right words and that their concern is enough.

Maintaining a strong support system

More and more studies show that strong relationships are crucial in dealing with life-threatening illnesses. In fact, friends and family are often an integral part of your treatment. Sometimes, though, you may want or need different kinds of support. If so, you may find the concern and understanding of other women with breast cancer especially comforting. Breast cancer survivors have developed a tremendous support network. Your doctor or a medical social worker may be able to put you in touch with a group near you. Or contact one of the many cancer organizations.

Taking care of yourself

During your treatment, you'll need to plan your schedule carefully. Allow yourself time to rest. And don't be afraid to ask for help. Your friends and family want to help, but they may not always know what to do. Be specific about your needs. For example, you might ask a friend to pick up your children from school, shop for groceries or prepare meals. If you need to, be prepared to relinquish your role as caretaker for awhile. This doesn't mean you're helpless or weak. Far from it. It means you're using all your energy to get well.

At the same time, you'll likely want to stay as independent as possible. Sometimes in their desire to help, other people may try to take over your life. Or they may act as if you're terribly fragile. Both can be detrimental to your recovery. Don't hesitate to tell friends and loved ones how you want to be treated.

If you haven't done so before, now is a good time to start eating a healthy diet, getting regular exercise and reducing stress. In fact, stress reduction techniques and exercise can actually help relieve some of the side effects associated with radiation and chemotherapy.

Looking ahead

Having breast cancer affects your life, and the lives of those closest to you. It can create fear and uncertainty and may sometimes strain relationships. It also may change you physically and emotionally. And too often, the emphasis on treating your disease takes precedence over healing you as a person. But both are crucial to your recovery.

It can help to know that some of the changes breast cancer creates in your life can be positive. Many breast cancer survivors find that their lives and relationships become deeper and more meaningful. Many also have a renewed sense of celebration and enjoyment.

Take time to examine what is most important to you. Think about the things you want to accomplish and how you can achieve your goals. And make it a priority to live your life to the fullest.